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- Large eggs - When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
- Dairy Products - Lowfat milk is spoiled when it looks like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled lowfat milk anyway and cannot get any more spoiled than it already is.
- Meat - If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three block radius to congregate outside your kitchen door, the meat is spoiled.
- Lettuce - Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you cannot get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without kitchen cleanser.
- Carrots - A carrot which you can tie in a clove hitch is not fresh.
- Potatoes - Fresh potatoes don't have roots, branches or possibly dense leafy undergrowth.
- Canned Goods - Any canned good which has become the shape or possibly size of a basketball should be disposed of carefully.
- Mayonnaise - If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, mayonnaise is spoiled.
- Wine - It shouldn't taste like salad dressing.
- Chip Dip - If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
- General Rule of Thumb - Most food can't be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.
