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I was an accidental jerk in fourth grade. I'm still totally embarrassed by it. It turns out even nice, otherwise well-intentioned kids can get caught up in accidental jerkiness.
See, fourth grade was the pinnacle of my popularity. I hadn't grown into my shyness yet, so I was silly and outgoing. My friend group was comprised of all the blonde-haired girls in class. I didn't know it at the time, but I was part of a clique.
Most of the time we were nice and inclusive. But sometimes we'd block kids out without even realizing what we were doing or why. For instance, one day I got the brilliant idea of creating a language. We'd talk in made-up words and no one would know what we were saying except other girls from our friend group.…
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?%20Wouldn't%20it%20be%20so%20funny%20when%20the%20teacher%20couldn't%20understand%20our%20secrets?%20Wouldn't%20it%20be%20so%20funny%20when%20Amanda%20couldn't%20understand%20us?%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EAmanda%20was%20different%20than%20us.%20She%20was%20a%20strawberry-brown-haired,%20freckled,%20rough-and-tumble%20tomboy.%20She%20was%20sometimes%20abrupt%20and%20grating.%20She%20didn't%20like%20boys,%20she%20didn't%20want%20to%20talk%20about%20Terilyn's%20amazing%20wardrobe,%20and%20she%20definitely%20wasn't%20interested%20in%20hearing%20my%20readaloud%20of%20the%20illicit%20makeout%20scenes%20in%20my%20new%20book,%20There's%20a%20Girl%20in%20My%20Hammerlock.%20She%20just%20didn't%20fit%20in%20with%20us%20--%20or%20so%20I%20told%20myself%20to%20rationalize%20why%20we%20didn't%20include%20her.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EOne%20day%20out%20of%20the%20empty%20blue%20sky,%20Amanda%20invited%20me%20to%20her%20house%20for%20a%20sleepover.%20I%20don't%20know%20why%20she%20did%20it.%20Maybe%20she%20was%20desperate%20to%20connect%20with%20someone%20--%20anyone%20--%20in%20a%20class%20full%20of%20kids%20who%20had%20decided%20she%20wasn't%20friend%20material.%20Oh,%20it%20hurts%20to%20write%20that,%20because%20how%20many%20times%20since%20then%20have%20I%20been%20that%20girl?%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20don't%20know%20why%20she%20invited%20me%20.%20.%20.%20and%20I%20don't%20know%20why%20I%20went.%20Sadly,%20I%20think%20part%20of%20my%20motivation%20was%20the%20desire%20to%20do%20some%20Mean%20Girl%20reconnaissance.%20Was%20she%20as%20different%20as%20we%20thought?%20Was%20her%20family%20weird?%20Did%20she%20have%20lame%20hobbies?%20The%20more%20innocent%20part%20was%20just%20wanting%20to%20go%20have%20fun%20at%20someone's%20house.%20Regardless%20of%20why%20I%20went,%20I%20went.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EAnd%20you%20guys,%20from%20the%20moment%20I%20walked%20in%20the%20door,%20Amanda%20and%20her%20sweet%20mother%20(who%20I%20now%20realize%20determined%20to%20help%20her%20daughter%20make%20friends%20--%20which%20gives%20me%20another%20pang%20in%20my%20heart)%20were%20wonderful%20to%20me.%20They%20took%20me%20to%20Discovery%20Zone,%20one%20of%20those%20slides-and-ball-pit%20places,%20and%20we%20raced%20around%20and%20jumped%20and%20played%20like%20hyenas.%20Then%20we%20went%20back%20to%20their%20house,%20ordered%20pizza,%20and%20stuffed%20ourselves%20while%20laughing%20through%20Amanda's%20favorite%20movie,%20Tootsie.%20I%20remember%20feeling%20a%20mixture%20of%20extreme%20joy%20and%20extreme%20guilt%20all%20through%20the%20evening.%20My%20thoughts%20cycled%20between,%20This%20is%20so%20much%20fun!%20I%20love%20being%20with%20Amanda!%20I%20want%20to%20hang%20out%20all%20the%20time,%20and,%20Wait,%20this%20is%20the%20girl%20I%20left%20out.%20Why%20is%20she%20being%20so%20nice%20to%20me?%20Why%20is%20her%20mom%20being%20so%20kind%20to%20me?%20I%20don't%20deserve%20this.%20It%20was%20a%20confusing%20but%20important%20lesson%20for%20a%20fourth%20grader%20who%20was%20due%20for%20it.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EAmanda%20and%20I%20didn't%20become%20best%20friends,%20but%20I%20did%20refuse%20to%20ever%20treat%20her%20badly%20again.%20She%20was%20included%20in%20my%20conversations%20at%20school.%20She%20was%20invited%20to%20my%20birthday%20party%20along%20with%20everyone%20else.%20And%20still%20to%20this%20day%20when%20my%20first%20glance%20reads%20someone%20as%20different%20or%20even%20unlovable,%20I%20remember%20the%20lesson%20Amanda%20taught%20me%20about%20the%20inaccuracy%20of%20those%20first%20glances.%20I%20remember%20what%20she%20taught%20me%20about%20hospitality%20and%20friendship.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EI%20guess%20I've%20been%20thinking%20a%20lot%20about%20the%20kind%20of%20person%20I%20want%20to%20be%20this%20week.%20With%20the%20New%20Year%20right%20around%20the%20corner,%20you%20probably%20have%20too.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EWho%20will%20we%20resolve%20to%20be%20this%20coming%20year?%20What%20will%20we%20prioritize?%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EResolving%20and%20goal-setting%20(and%20goal%20reaching!)%20is%20the%20hard%20part.%20I%20can't%20help%20you%20with%20that%20beyond%20sharing%20my%20stories.%20But%20at%20least%20I%20can%20help%20you%20take%20care%20of%20the%20easy%20part%20of%20New%20Year's%20Eve:%20the%20food.%20This%20gorgeous%20Honey-Drizzled%20Cranberry%20Brie%20Pastry%20Braid%20is%20a%20sophisticated,%20beautiful%20appetizer%20that's%20shockingly%20easy%20to%20make.%20The%20dough%20is%20a%20dream%20to%20work%20with%20and%20the%20whole%20thing%20can%20be%20whipped%20up%20in%20an%20hour.%20Most%20importantly,%20it's%20delicious!%20I%20hope%20you%20and%20your%20New%20Year's%20Eve%20guests%20(or,%20let's%20be%20real,%20you%20and%20your%20partner%20in%20your%20PJs)%20will%20enjoy%20it!%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EP.S.%20Do%20you%20talk%20to%20your%20kids%20about%20how%20to%20be%20a%20good%20friend?%20Do%20you%20help%20them%20connect%20the%20dots%20about%20how%20other%20people%20feel?%20You%20might%20be%20helping%20another%20little%20Amanda%20out%20there.%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EOne%20year%20ago:%20Raspberry%20Lemonade%20Champagne%20Smash%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3ETwo%20years%20ago:%20Spiced%20Crispies%20(Chivda,%20or%20Indian%20snack%20mix)%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EThree%20years%20ago:%20Brown%20Butter%20Cookie%20Dough%20Pretzel%20Bars%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EFour%20years%20ago:%20Magic%20Bars%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EFive%20years%20ago:%20Taco%20Stuffed%20Crescent%20Rolls%3C/p%3E%3Cp%3EExample%20of%20how%20to%20cut%20and%20assemble%20braid.%3C/p%3E){kind=link}