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Рецепт Cretons
by brady evans

You know that old story you hear about the girlfriend whose boyfriend doesn’t like her cat and so they break up?

Well this meal is sort of like my husband’s cat. Let me explain.

This is my husband’s ultimate comfort food. It is a family tradition. For decades it was a secret recipe of my mother-in-law’s that she refused to give up so that she could keep her 7 kids coming back for more. Finally, because the Omnivore was the favorite of the 7 (kidding? Maybe?) he finagled the recipe out of her.

Early in our relationship he cooked this for me. He warned me that I wouldn’t like it – none of his previous girlfriends had. He also warned me that he used this meal as an indicator of the future of our relationship.

The recipe is the result of some sort of evolution from a pork mincemeat pie to a loosemeat sandwich. It looks a bit like canned cat food, which traditionally is the turn off to most people. It is scented like your favorite Christmas cookie – with cloves and allspice and the combination is not frequently come by. It is a relic of my husband’s French-Canadian heritage and it is a meal we both adore.

This was the one meal I missed desperately when I was a vegetarian. Yes, I attempted to approximate it using brown lentils but it wasn’t the same. Even now that I eat meat, however, it is definitely a splurge meal.

I ran a half marathon this past Saturday and since I made a personal record I decided to splurge on this meal. I told my husband this over the phone as I picked up groceries and he was a bit confused as to why I considered this a splurge. When he was loading the groceries into the fridge he exclaimed that I had purchased ‘bad pork’ because it was speckled with chunks of ‘white stuff.’

“That’s fat, honey. This meat is 80/20. That means 20% fat. That’s why it is a splurge.”

“Oh.”

I only made a pound’s worth this time around and I regret it so much. Please, despite its appearances and fat content (lol), give it a try.

PS. The family refers to this meal as “goteaus” which caused a lot of trouble for me when I began researching what I was eating on the internet. This word is awfully similar to “gateau” which is the french word for a chocolate cake. I attribute the transformation of the original “cretons” to “goteaus” (which my husband’s family pronounces guck-dongs) to the use of French (orally only) in my mother-in-law’s household.

Cretons

a spicy pork pate

Ingredients

Instructions

Combine meat with spices in a pot.

Using a stiff spatula or spoon, break meat up and incorporate spices.

Add just enough water to cover the surface of the meat.

Bring mixture to a boil and then turn down to a gentle simmer.

Allow to cook for 20-30 minutes or until all meat is uniformly browned, being sure to break up clumps as the mixture cooks.

Drain off cooking liquid and reserve.

Add 10 saltine crackers and incorporate. If mixture is too dry (should be a spreadable consistency), add some of your reserved liquid.

Serve on bread or crackers, warm or cold.

Preparation time: 5 minute(s)

Cooking time: 25 minute(s)

Number of servings (yield): 4